Mom Christmas Eve 1999
Around the holidays in 1999 my mom was experiencing serious abdominal pain. Within 1 month she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. She passed away early Easter Sunday morning just months later. Mom was in her sixties and at the time had a half a dozen kids and 7 grandkids, I rarely talk about it and it is the hardest experience of my life. The rare occasions that I do are usually just because a casual conversation leads to me speaking of mom in the past tense and people inquire about her. I then just usually say:
My mom is deceased, she passed away from pancreatic cancer.
Thankfully for our family we were close and the experience of losing a parent brought us even closer together. I also learned about the resilience of young people, specifically my nieces and nephews on that day. Easter celebrations went forward and the kids laughing and experiencing Easter was very therapeutic for all the adults watching. Mom passing at that point was in many ways a relief, there was nothing peaceful about her suffering and watching it changed me forever.
Pancreatic Cancer is a Lethal Disease
I recently learned from survivor Diane Borrison that 43,000 Americans will be diagnosed with the disease this year and 39,000 of them will die from the disease. Diane’s story as a survivor is somewhat rare, and I am grateful that I will be able to speak with her on June 8th along with two other guests that lost parents on my Blog Talk Radio program.
There are two reasons you are reading about this on my blog. The first is that I read several serious posts on blogs that I am a frequent reader of but in particular Danny Brown’s post “You Don’t Have to Die to Live” where he recounts a very dark moment in his life. (Thanks for paving the way, mate). The second reason is one of my panelists, Judy Loyd, was a past guest on my program. We happened to be exchanging E-Mails recently and she asked me if I would do a show about Pancreatic Cancer awareness. Neither one of us realized at the time that we’d both lost parents to the disease; Judy definitely came to the right person and for me at the right time. I honestly don’t think I could have come within 1,000 miles of an episode on Pancreatic cancer up until about maybe 2 years ago. I applaud Judy, Diane and my third panelist Michelle Monhart for their courage to champion the cause of Pancreatic Cancer Awareness as part of the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network.
Mom’s Inspiring Legacy
While losing Mom was a horrible experience, I consider myself to be extremely fortunate. I was extremely lucky to have grown up with her as my mom. She left quite a legacy behind and it has driven me to be a better person and example to my own son. I have been told from time to time that I wear a friendly inviting smile, I still remember mom’s smile beaming back at me teaching me at a young age that it was important (coincidently whenever I picture her she is always smiling, that is how I will remember her). I share similar smiles with my son every day. Service to others is part of my life through Rotary and volunteerism. Mom was a tireless volunteer her entire life and introduced her kids to it by bringing us with her some times. My mom had a reputation for loving babies; she had a total of seven. It is often said that mom was happiest when she was pregnant or caring for her many babies. Even though you may have not met my mom, rest assured there is a good chance that if you know me you know her too. I am grateful for her powerful and inspiring legacy.
A simple request…
I hope you will join me in raising awareness about Pancreatic Cancer. Please visit the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network. Like their Facebook Page, Follow their Twitter Account, Donate or share with your network of friends. If you’d like to join the discussion on June 8th, listen to the show on Blog Talk Radio. If you are in Northern California or wish to make a trip to the Napa Valley in June, you can also join in the 9th Annual Walk Through the Vineyards.
Pancreatic Cancer Action Network, Get Involved
I sure will Joe. Thanks for sharing this personal and touching story.
Thanks for sharing this story Joe. I am sorry about your Mom. My brother-in-law/friend/neighbour (for the past 38 yrs) Bob just passed away, six weeks after being diagnosed with this disease at age 68. I talked to him everyday, there was so little I could do and he kept apologizing to me for not being better company. He died in my arms. I’ll follow-up on your request. govlists
Even though I haven’t met you IRL yet, Joe, I was thinking how your mom’s smile reminds me of you. Even though we’re grateful when loved ones stop suffering, the pain we feel never quite goes away, does it? Of course I will pass along, share, donate, etc. It’s the least I can do in memory of your mom.
PS – just donated in your Mom’s name. I didn’t know what it was so I put “Joe Hackman’s Mom.”
@Shonali I am so lucky to have friends like you Shonali. Thank you kindly.
@dcfemella Thank you very much.
@government_list govlists how unfortunate, I am sure your neighbor had no better friend to stand by him during this process. Thank you for sharing your experience.
@hackmanj It goes both ways. I’m lucky that YOU came into my life!
Hi Joe, thank you for sharing your story and for interviewing us on June 8th. I too lost a parent, my dad in 2005 and he lived 8 months with the disease. We look forward to educating your listeners/followers about pancreatic cancer and what we are doing as volunteers in our communities to create awareness and raise funds with events like our Walk Through the Vineyards. For those in the Northern CA area, we are on Facebook and Twitter locally – find us by searching Pancreatic Cancer Action Network – Bay Area.
I definitely will help out Joe. I can only imagine how hard this must be. My mom had cancer when I was younger but not pancreatic which I know is unfortunately very fatal. Thank you for sharing your story. I know it will be helpful to many people going through something like this.
@MichelleMonhart thank you for your comment Michelle. To say this process has stired emotions for me would be an under statement. Since I wrote this yesterday I’ve really been wondering why I didn’t do anything advocacy wise for Pancreatic Cancer research and awareness. It is such a lethal form of cancer that seems to be greatly under funded. I am very happy to contribute in a small way to the effort. I am sad to hear about your father, may he rest in peace. I look forward to our discussion to shed a bit more light on this on the 8th. Thank you again for taking time to read and comment.
@rachaelseda Thank you Rachael! I am glad that your families brush with cancer had a positive outcome. Luckily there are a growing number of survivors out there. Through awareness I know lives will be saved. It is always great to hear from you. Thanks for your kind words and support.
Very inspiring article that motivates to take care self and each other. I am emotionally charged to do something about it.
Thanks a good read
Lovely post, Joe. I can’t begin to imagine losing my mom and feel such a tug in my heart for you and your loss. I applaud you in your efforts to inspire and educate others and I will head right over to like, follow and make a donation. LIke @Shonali said, the pic above reminds me of what I think you must be like IRL. Your sweet spirit always come through – whether it’s in a tweet, a blog post or your BlogTalkRadio show – it’s always there. Thanks for sharing your mom’s story with us!
@Mywritingworld Your entire comment is quotable, and I am so happy that you feel that way. Sincere thanks for your wonderful sentiment.
@EricaAllison @Shonali it was very therapeutic for me to write this post, in fact there are so many wonderful side effects of it. Not the least of which is the joy I get to experience from the support of my friends like you! My siblings have been exchanging Emails about Mom this week and it has been a joy to remember the great times we shared. Your comment honors her memory, thank you so much.
Hi Joe, I’d like to start by sending our condolences on behalf of everyone at livefyre; your mum sounds like she was a really inspirational lady, and will I’m sure continue to be a strong force in your life. Pancreatic cancer really is under-recognised and all-too-often diagnosed far too late. I do hope future advances in the screening process will increase the prognosis for such a terrible disease and implore you to seek to be screened yourself later in life. I’m just 20 and can’t imagine the pain of losing a parent, but my mother’s friend has recently been diagnosed with thyroid cancer, 6 years her junior, and with two young children, due to how it’s spread, and from both my parents from medical backgrounds, they know the future isn’t looking good.
Once again, our, and my personal, best wishes and thanks for sharing such a personal story.
@MattieTK thank you for your kind words, they mean a lot. I am very sorry to hear about your mother’s friend and their crisis. This is a way too common story.
Warm regards,
Joe
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My mom got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last year a week after my birthday. Shes not doing so well because shes going through really? heavy chemo. I’m praying for her everyday, to be one of these people<3
~ELLISA
@LIGHTWEIGHT WHEELCHAIRS I reported you to livefyre “Elissa” according to your profile your parents have both died of multiple diseases. I think it is unthinkable that the company you are promoting (Bright Medical) would use such tactics to promote their products. Shame on you…